Ora's Gold Read online

  On the drive up, she stows herself in the boot of the car. When we get there, Jake parks as close to the front veranda as he can, then opens the boot. Sarah and Tom nearly fall over when they see Dione climbing out.

  ‘I knew you’d be right!’ Tom booms as he strides over to give her a big hug, followed closely by Sarah, who has the baby in a sling. Melissa has Little Tom on her hip. He’s grown so much.

  Jake sounds very together when he explains our plan to them. They listen intently, nodding and agreeing. The warmth of their support is infectious and it melts some of my fear. Jake is in full action mode, his mind firing details as he goes over the minutiae of the plan. Listening to him makes me wish I could take him with me to the SIF.

  Tom says there’s a lot of work to be done on the boat. Dione volunteers to do it, if they don’t mind her staying. They agree she’ll clear out below deck first, so she can hide out down there for the next few days. Luckily the driveway is long enough to hear cars coming, and if visitors arrive by foot, Tom says his dogs will let them know.

  My weekly appointments are scheduled for Tuesdays, so the plan is to be ready by next Friday. That way, when I don’t turn up for the second meeting, we’ll have a few days’ lead on them.

  ‘We just have to be careful when we put the boat in the sea,’ Tom says. ‘That’ll be the most dangerous time for being spotted. There’s no reason the SIF should even know I’ve got a boat, so the longer we keep that from them the better.’

  We all signal our agreement.

  ‘I reckon they won’t be putting much time into you two, anyway. But they won’t like it when you disappear on them. That’ll make three of you.’

  ‘What about the baby?’ Melissa asks. She’s been very quiet.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Jake says.

  ‘The baby!’ She points at my belly like we’re all stupid. ‘How does the baby fit into your plans to sail around the world? It’s due in a couple of months.’

  Everyone looks at me for an answer.

  There’s a horrible silence.

  ‘It’s … too late to go into the Program,’ I manage eventually.

  ‘Thank God!’ Sarah huffs.

  ‘You’re not going to have it on the boat?’ Melissa asks, all self-righteous.

  ‘We haven’t got that far,’ Jake says quietly.

  ‘There aren’t that many options Melissa, if you’re outside the system.’ Dione adds.

  ‘But what if something goes wrong?’

  Another silence. Melissa is speaking my own words from a few months ago.

  ‘What if the baby di—’

  ‘Shhh!’ I say. ‘I don’t need your concern Melissa.’

  ‘What if you—’

  ‘Shut up!’ I’m rattled. ‘We need to focus on the trip right now, Mel.’ She’s looking at me like I’m nuts. ‘What choice do we have? If I give myself up, they’ll take the baby away.’

  ‘But they might not.’

  ‘I’m already on their blacklist. There’s no way they’ll let me keep him.’

  Silence.

  ‘Can we please just focus on the plan?’ My voice is getting higher.

  Melissa walks out of the room.

  I feel so heavy all of a sudden. I want to slide off my chair, onto the floor.

  Tom starts talking about the boat again, and soon they’re back on track.

  I manage to stay in my seat.

  ‘So after today, we won’t contact you,’ Jake says. ‘But I’ll come up one night next week with all our stuff.’

  ‘I’ll buy your food for you, enough for the first couple of weeks,’ Sarah says as she sets out knives and forks on the table. ‘And we can put it straight in the boat.’

  ‘Thanks, Sarah.’ Jake smiles. ‘Ora and I can get the bus into the city on the Friday, and then a train and a bus to the jetty later.’

  ‘What about the chickens?’ Dione asks.

  ‘What?’ Jake says.

  ‘What’ll we do with the chooks?’

  ‘We’ll just have to leave their door open and hope for the best,’ Jake says. ‘They might start roosting in the trees if they’ve got any sense.’

  ‘Is there room on the boat?’ she asks. She loves those chickens.

  ‘Aren’t you sick of eggs?’ Jake looks perplexed.

  I start giggling, but no-one else sees the funny side.

  ‘I do have a large cage you could stick on the deck,’ Tom says, eyes twinkling.

  ‘Yeah, and how suspicious would that look to other boats?’ Jake doesn’t like his plans being tweaked. ‘I’ll put them in a cardboard box and bring them up here when I drop off our gear,’ he says, sounding final. ‘You won’t mind a few more, will you?’ Tom and Sarah shake their heads.

  Dione opens her mouth to say something but thinks better of it. I can’t stop laughing in a crazy, neurotic way. Everyone carries on like they don’t notice, even though they’re casting sideways looks at me, which just makes me laugh harder.

  ‘The only bit that doesn’t sit right is you meeting us at the beach. There are too many houses overlooking the beach,’ Tom says a few minutes later. I’ve quietened down a bit and am just grinning now. ‘I’d like to have you hidden in the boat before we put her in the water. That way it’ll look like it’s just me going for some night fishing.’

  They talk some more and agree on a nature reserve on the way to the beach where Jake and I can wait. They know the roads well.

  ‘Okay,’ says Jake. ‘If we think of anything else we’ll have to save it for the night I bring up our gear.’

  We are quiet as we eat the lunch Sarah has served. Melissa doesn’t come back.

  As we’re leaving she appears.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She’s crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

  ‘I thought you were the rebel,’ I say to her, attempting a smile.

  ‘Only about the little stuff. I can’t believe you’re doing this …’

  ‘Neither can I.’

  We hug goodbye.

  ‘Take care,’ she says, looking sad.

  *

  For the next three days, Jake is in another world. He spends a lot of time at the library, not wanting to be tracked on his own laptop, searching out good spots to moor along the coast. He also disappears into Dione’s garage for hours, going through her camping gear. He keeps talking through plans and details and lists.

  My stomach is constantly burning and my neck is so tight I can’t look over my right shoulder. I am seizing up. I really need to share what’s happening inside my head but Jake’s too busy. I stomp around the garden and complain to the chooks instead. And to Gumnut.

  I can’t think about the birth. It’s too far away.

  The tent is still up the mountain. We can’t bring ourselves to go up there but Dione has a good supply of gear at home. Mini-camping stoves, torches, sleeping bags. And a whole range of utensils.

  I have far too much time on my hands. Worry and fear have wormed their way into my brain and are eating away at my cells, making room for more worms. Packing clothes and a couple of books takes me less than a morning. Sarah gave me a bag of stuff for Gumnut, but I can’t look at it yet. Every time I attempt to project into the future, I only get as far as the SIF appointment.

  I try on about thirty different outfits, desperately trying to work out which one shows the least amount of ‘bump’. I spend hours looking in the mirror, side-on, front-on, side-on again.

  The weather is still quite cold. I hope it’ll be cool enough for me to wear my big sloppy sweater. It’s bottle green and baggy enough to hide everything. With my long flowing skirt it looks okay—smart even.

  I lie awake at night remembering the rat and the slug. My blood chills as I replay their interrogations again and again. I can’t stop. I hate them with every cell in my body. I take to praying—to who, I don’t know—‘Please don’t let it be them, please don’t let it be them.’

  I do a drum journey several times a day. Lion and Snake appear without fail. Lio
n’s quiet presence reassures me and Snake’s words are both strengthening and annoying. Every time I meet them it’s in a barren, rust-coloured land. It’s totally flat and the only movement is the wind sweeping across the bare plains.

  I need more ideas. How will I keep my cool in there? I ask Snake. If it was just me it’d be okay, but what if they find out about Gumnut?

  ‘The more you worry, Ora, the worse it will be.’

  I know that! But how … how do I stop worrying?

  ‘Have you called on Dragon?’

  Huh? I haven’t thought of Dragon for ages.

  ‘What do dragons guard, Ora?’

  Treasure.

  ‘What kind of treasure?’

  All kinds. Snake can be so annoying. She’s waiting for me to say more. Jewels and gold and stuff.

  ‘Exactly. You need to ask Dragon for protection.’

  As her words sink in I start to breathe more deeply. Of course! A quiet surge of strength and knowing washes through me.

  I emerge from the drum journey with a plan. I’ll need my candle. I also take the rose quartz crystal I bought in the city ages ago.

  Jake is busy—no surprises there. I tell him I’m going for a walk to clear my head, which is kind of true. He barely acknowledges me anyway. Maybe I’ll explain afterwards.

  I walk up behind the cottage. The earth still feels damp from the morning dew. I don’t walk for long, just far enough into the bush to feel alone. I stop at a large rock and place my candle and crystal on top of it.

  I light the candle, trying to remember the ceremony I went to with Dione before Christmas, to celebrate the solstice. I face each of the four directions, welcoming them one at a time, and the elements too. I’ve never done anything like this, and it feels weird. But special.

  Then I turn back to the rock, close my eyes and say out loud, ‘Dear Dragon, I am calling to ask for your help. Tomorrow, when I go to the SIF, I need Gumnut to be safe. No-one can notice him. I just need to go in there, answer the questions without freaking out, and then leave. Please give me strength, dear Dragon, and come with me.’

  I stop and listen. Nothing happens.

  A bird flaps its wings in one of the trees, making me jump. I look around, half expecting to see Dragon. Then I close my eyes again.

  ‘And if I get scared or lose it or start to give myself away, please will you help me? Gumnut is like gold to me and I know you protect gold. Please, will you protect him?’

  I open my eyes to more silence. I don’t have anything else to say. My heart is sinking. Where is she? I wait and I wait but nothing happens. Eventually, I turn slowly to each direction with a heavy heart, then blow out the candle. I sit and listen to the tiny birds fluttering and chirping in the bushes. When the wax has set and I’ve run out of hope I pack up my things and walk stiffly home. My back gets sore quickly these days; the muscles are softening, and I’m not used to sitting on the hard ground with a pregnant belly.

  I decide to tell Jake how crap I’m feeling. I just don’t think I can go through with this. But when I reach the veggie patch, I am startled out of my head. Suddenly there are wings flapping right above me. She is here, announcing her powerful presence; the heat pulsating from her body. I know if I look I won’t see her, but she is here!

  For the first time since being summoned by the SIF, I dare to hope.

  28

  SIF HQ.

  Despite Dragon’s visit, I barely sleep on Monday night. Jake’s breathing is slow and deep and I envy him his oblivion. I shake his shoulder gently but he doesn’t wake. There’s nothing he can say to make me feel better anyway. He’s buckling under the weight of planning and endless lists of marinas and currents and tides. He’s printed out a whole book’s worth, saying he isn’t going to risk taking the laptop, and that we won’t get good reception anyway.

  The trip seems like a lifetime away.

  I get out of bed quietly and walk into the night-filled garden. It’s chilly out here, after the heat of the spring sunshine. I wrap the doona from my old bed more tightly around me and lean against the wattle tree out the front. The stars are as abundant as ever, making me feel tiny—alone and connected all at once.

  The flyscreen door creaks and Jake stands on the veranda stretching and peering into the dark with sleepy eyes. I smile. His night vision is terrible.

  ‘I’m over here,’ I whisper into the darkness.

  He comes over and sits down beside me.

  ‘You okay?’ He sounds too loud.

  I nod. If I shake my head I’ll howl.

  He takes my hand and holds it up to his cheek. ‘We’ll be on the ocean soon, Ora.’

  I nod again, not trusting myself to speak.

  ‘You know you’ll be fine today?’ He looks at me. ‘I know you will. I know you’ll be safe and so will Gumnut.’

  I can see he’s waiting for me to say something but I can’t. He gives up and says, ‘I’m going to come into the building with you and wait in reception.’ I start to protest, but he continues. ‘They know we’re together, right? So let’s act like it.’

  ‘But it’ll look obvious, like you’re being over-protective or something,’ I say slowly. ‘Like we’ve got something to hide.’ I am weary. So tired of trying to out-think the SIF, trying to predict their next move and imagine how things will look to them. It’s all so ridiculous, and I’m trapped in the middle of it.

  ‘Don’t change the plans now, Jake. I can’t cope.’

  ‘But we never made a plan.’

  I sigh. ‘In my head, I’ve always gone in alone, and that’s what I need to do.’

  There’s a brief silence.

  ‘Shit, Ora. I’m sorry.’ His eyes shine as they search my own. ‘I’ve been so focused on the trip, I haven’t spent any time with you.’

  ‘It’s okay, Jake,’ I whisper.

  ‘No it’s not!’ He is angry. ‘It’s fucked. This is all fucked!’

  I squeeze his hand. I don’t have the energy for words.

  *

  He drops me off in the city, a few blocks from SIF HQ. By the time I reach the building I’m hot. The day isn’t a scorcher, but it’s too warm for my outfit. The towering blocks reach into the sky. The whole city street is lined with them, on both sides. I look up past all the grey-black bricks and thousands of tinted windows and see the strip of blue sky mirroring the road. I flash back to how cold I was in that hellhole and shiver, suddenly glad of my jumper.

  I summon Dragon. Lion and Snake too. All of you. Please come, now. Fleetingly, Mum and Holly flash into my mind, but thankfully Dragon’s wings distract me, reminding me to connect to the earth. I imagine great roots growing out of the soles of my feet and drawing energy from the earth, filling me with power. I don’t hear a voice from her, like I do with Snake, but I know which ideas are hers.

  I haven’t touched my belly since the car. It’s become second nature for my hands to track Gumnut, but I am terrified of giving the game away with an unconscious caress. At the last minute, before leaving, I remembered a huge chunky ring from Mum’s suitcase—it’s a large wooden disc, and it’s hideous. But it’s doing the job; every time I go to reach for my baby, I feel the ring and stop.

  On my wrist sits my power band. That’s what Jake called it in the early hours under the wattle tree, when he gave it to me. It’s his leather bracelet, which is also too big for me. As he tied it on he said, ‘I imbue this band with all the power of the universe,’ and I knew he meant it, even though he was using his jokey voice.

  I open the heavy door of the building and stand back, imagining my entourage flying, slithering and padding into the foyer. Deep breath. Up to the desk, steady, steady. My clothes can’t ripple against me. Steady.

  A receptionist looks up from her keyboard. Her eyes are hard and her skin tight. No warm words of welcome. She studies me coldly, waiting.

  ‘I have an appointment at ten,’ I say.

  She looks at me like I’m an idiot. ‘Name?’

  ‘Ora James.’
>
  She’s looking with more interest now. The ring reminds me to keep my hand from my belly.

  ‘Take a seat.’ She gestures with her head and picks up the phone.

  Steady, steady. Just a few steps to the seats. Everyone is looking, staring, seeing Gumnut.

  ‘Remember your gold, Ora.’ Snake sounds distant but I hear her clearly.

  There is nowhere for Dragon to fit! The space isn’t high enough for her to fly. Where is she?

  ‘Ora!’ Slug’s voice, all cheery to my left. ‘How nice to see you.’

  I am leaning forwards with my elbows on my knees, hiding Gumnut, practising being disengaged. I have to use every ounce of my will to look at her. The hatred is mutual but she’s wearing a smile over hers.

  ‘Come this way.’ She sweeps ahead of me and for that I am grateful. I try to do a Jake-like glide out of my seat and nearly trip on my skirt. A droplet of sweat trickles down my spine.

  It’s a long walk. I trail behind, noticing her uniform is gone, replaced by a too-tight navy skirt and crisp white shirt, which she has tucked in, making her bum look bumpy. A bumpy slug. Eventually she stops at a door and turns to look at me. As her eyes scan me from top to toe with frosty focus, Dragon lands, right between us. I stand up straighter and lift my chin defiantly, making her look at my face, which now mirrors her disdain.

  ‘You look out of shape,’ I say, shocking us both. Antagonising her is just plain dumb.

  Her upper lip turns into a sneer, revealing tartar laden teeth. She is about to utter something in response but thinks better of it. She pushes the door with a shove and steps aside, waving me into the room impatiently.

  Steady, steady.

  Same old, same old. One table, three chairs; two on one side, one on the other. I know which is mine. Steady.

  The door closes and I’m alone, under surveillance again. I put my forearms on the table, lean forward and play with the ring. My body language has to read like I don’t give a shit. Bored, nonchalant.

  Can they see how frantic I am?

  As usual, they make me wait. I breathe. I talk to Snake. Lion sits by the door, guarding it for me. And I feel Dragon. Just before the door opens she lets loose a great jet of fire, then smoke fills the room, cleansing it, filling it with power. Our power.